I really have to watch my weight. I got up this morning, looked in the mirror, and thought, “This can’t be accurate,” but I know mirrors don’t lie. I’m just grateful that they don’t laugh. I looked around for the bathroom scale and couldn’t find it, so I asked the First Lady where it was. She said, “I put the scale in the bathroom corner and that’s where it will stay until that little liar apologizes.” Enough said. I’m at the age where my mind thinks I can eat like I’m 29, my sense of humor suggests I’m 12, while the rest of my body keeps asking if I’m sure I’m not dead yet. My problem is that I love good food, and the beautiful Columbian Home has exactly what I need to solve my problems with one caveat (for those of you from Whitehall, a caveat is a warning or caution): if you eat too much, you might gain weight. I started thinking of solutions. What if I ate both pasta and an antipasto, would I gain weight? The answer is yes. So, a better solution is to eat normal portions at a place with really good food and an atmosphere I love. The beautiful Columbian Home is the answer I’ve been looking for! If you haven’t tried the cuisine (look it up, Whitehall), you will be delighted. And just throw away your bathroom scale.
Guess what happens on Saturday, November 15 between 2:00 and 5:00 PM? If you guessed the Greatest Turkey Raffle around, you win 2 attaboys and a hearty slap on the back. Twenty of the most beautiful turkeys Mr. Jaindl has ever raised will be running wild at the beautiful Columbian Home. Free soda and select beer will be available at the bar for the duration of the raffle. We have 80 mystery prizes, along with handmade blankets, 2 gorgeous 5×8’ woven area rugs, and a full-length mink coat – honest! Come early and enjoy a late lunch/early dinner while you enjoy all the fun the raffle brings.
Thanksgiving Dinner will be fantastic this year. The beautiful Columbian Home will host 2 seatings: noon until 1:30 PM and 3:00 until 4:30 PM. Pumpkin bisque, Manhattan clam chowder, rosemary roasted potatoes, turkey (of course), baked ham, teriyaki chicken, and parmesan tilapia are all on the menu. I must stop now because I’m getting hungry and my fat pants are at the drycleaners. Make your reservations early and get your own fat pants ready, because the turkey won’t be the only thing stuffed that day.
Music Bingo is coming on Saturday, November 29. Bring your friends, neighbors, and that crazy aunt who lives in your basement to the beautiful Columbian Home to see if you can remember who put the Ding in the Rama Lama Ding Dong.
Hal is back with Trivia Night on Wednesday, November 12. Bring your trivia-loving buddies and ask Hal, “How do you fix stupid?” Hal’s correct response will be “Vote them out of office.”
That reminds me of a story about a corrupt senator who dies and is met by St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter tells the senator that he must decide if he wishes to go to heaven or hell. The senator says he wants to go to heaven, but St. Peter suggested that he visit both for 24 hours before making his final choice. He visits hell, and the devil seems like a nice guy. He sees all his corrupt friends playing golf, swimming in a beautiful pool, dancing, and singing. After 24 hours, St. Peter summons the senator to heaven, where he sees contented souls moving from cloud to cloud while strumming harps and singing hymns. St. Peter asks the senator for his decision, and the senator said, “I would never have said this before, but I would be better off in hell.” In the blink of an eye, the senator is in a barren land covered with garbage. He sees his corrupt friends bagging the garbage as more of it keeps raining down. “I don’t understand!” stammered the corrupt senator. “Yesterday, this place was a paradise and now it’s filled with trash, and my friends look miserable. What happened?” Satan replied, “Yesterday we were campaigning. Today, you voted.”
Remember to vote on November 4.
If you know of someone who is in need during the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday, be sure to reach out with an act of kindness.
As always, I will keep you in my prayers.
All the best,
Joe
Joe Mascari, President