I bet you noticed that the kitchen at the beautiful Columbian Home has been closed for the whole month of July for a complete makeover. Well, guess what? Now you don’t have to figure out what to make for dinner this weekend because the kitchen will be open! I’m really happy because during July I had to find another restaurant to satisfy my intense urge to feed my body. It wasn’t easy. At one famous restaurant in the Valley, I was having my dinner and a server screamed, “Does anyone know CPR?” I said, “Heck, I know the entire alphabet.” Everyone laughed except this one guy. (Relax – he just had gas and we laughed harder.) Just remember that when you boil a funny bone it becomes a laughing stock. That’s humerus. (For those of you from Fullerton, your humerus is your upper arm bone.) So, the restaurant is open, and the bar is stocked, so come in and share a couple of laughs at the beautiful Columbian Home.
The First Lady and I took our vacation this year in Croatia. It’s a lovely country and we had a wonderful time, but the only thing I disliked was there are no direct flights, so we had to make a connection in Munich. I hate to fly, but there are no buses to Europe from the U.S. I’m an extremely nervous flyer. I asked the flight attendant, “How often do planes crash?” She said, “Only once.” My blood pressure rose, but the person who took the seat next to me had a calming effect on me. I found out he was the spiritual advisor to the Dali Lama. (I didn’t misspell it.) His name was Raji. After the plane was airborne, drinks were served. I asked for a Jameson. The flight attendance asked Raji what he would like to drink, and he replied in a loud, disgusted voice, “I’d rather be savagely ravished by a dozen ladies of the night than let liquor touch my lips.” I handed my drink back to the flight attendant and said, “Me, too. I didn’t know that was an option.” The First Lady hit me on the head with her carry on and I slept for the rest of the flight. Being on vacation is great. We saw beautiful sites, met a lot of nice people, and stayed in fantastic hotels, but it is always nice to come home and sleep in your own bed. It’s also nice to see your family, even though you told them you were going on a cloistered retreat in Tibet where there was no phone or internet service. Most of all, it’s great to return to the happiest place in the Lehigh Valley – you guessed it – the beautiful Columbian Home.
The Columbian Home Family Tree is looking to grow. We need more people to purchase leaves to help with the cost of our new kitchen. If you belong to a club or team (bowling, softball, soccer, social), you can buy a leaf and share the cost among the members. Your team or club will then be memorialized forever or at least until the sun hits the earth. Silver leaves cost $200, gold leaves $350, and emerald leaves are $500.00. You can engrave three lines with whatever you like as long as it’s legal. We also have mahogany plaques for $1000, $3500, and $5000. This is called the Community Captains Level and will really help put a dent in the cost of the kitchen. You can see them on the porch right next to the handicapped entrance. Help us to pay for the kitchen project so we can tackle other areas in the Home that will make your experience there more enjoyable.
We will continue to have Music on the Deck on Friday evenings (weather permitting) from 5:30 – 7:30 PM. Come out and enjoy your favorite cocktails and maybe even a few hors d’oeuvres to hold you over until dinner. (For those of you from Trexlertown, hors d’oeuvres are snacks served before a meal.) Sit back and relax and enjoy some wonderful music on the deck.
Trivia is coming to the beautiful Columbian Home, beginning on Wednesday, September 11 from 7:00-9:00 PM. If you support this activity, we will schedule Trivia Nights on the 2nd Wednesday of each month. Come and see if Hal can stump you like he did the sages from Northampton. (Cat does not have a “k” in it, but knowledge does.) Oh, my head hurts just writing that one. It should be a fun time for all players, so come and give it a try.
Great suggestions are welcome. If you have an idea that will make the beautiful Columbian Home an even better place, please tell me or one of the Board Members. You can also write a note, enclose a check or money order to help get your idea started (just kidding – maybe?). Please don’t address your notes to Pope Francis, King Charles, or Oprah – they haven’t spoken to me since that Jello Wrestling miscommunication last year. I won’t go into detail, but just write to me or a Board Member.
Hope your Summer is going well, and your memories are great. As always, I will keep you in my prayers.
All the best,
Joe