In a few days we will be celebrating our country’s 250th anniversary. Some people say that it’s not very old for a country, but when someone asks if you are a member of AARP or a member of an organization that has the prefix “senior” in its title, you are considered old. The adage, “You’re only as old as you feel” comes to mind. Some days I feel like I’m 250 years old and some days I feel like a kid of 79 years old. I see people my age climbing mountains (not the real big ones), working out at the gym, going for long walks, and playing pickleball. I’m one of those people who feels good when I get my leg through my underwear without losing my balance. I feel good when I go to work because I love what I do (I’m weird, but you already know that.) I feel good reading, entertaining friends, and even writing this dumb president’s letter. But there are days when I wake up shouting, “You’re ugly and your mother dresses you funny” to the dog, start drinking gin before breakfast, and missing people that I don’t even like. The First Lady notices that I’m getting grouchy and forgetful as I age. She says I’m not as sensitive as I used to be. For instance, she said I don’t buy her flowers. To be honest, I never knew she sold flowers. I thought she was a teacher. The First Lady started blaming me for ruining her birthday. I said, “That’s ridiculous, I didn’t even know it was your birthday.” (Note to self: Don’t drink gin before breakfast. Wait until 2:00 PM when the Columbian Home Bar opens.) As I get older, items and incidents seem so much larger and more frequent, like my prostate and trips to the bathroom in the middle of the night. On one occasion I was making my 3:00 AM trip down the hall to the toilet. I looked out the window and saw a masked man with a gun sneaking through my neighbor’s garden. Suddenly, my neighbor came out of nowhere and smacked him over the head with a shovel, killing him instantly. He quickly dug a grave, put the body in it, and covered it. Astonished, I got back in bed. The First Lady, who never sleeps and observes when I’m upset, asked me what was wrong. I said, “You’ll never believe what I’ve just seen. That SOB next door still has my shovel.” Perhaps I am getting cranky and absent-minded, but, the truth is, once you grow old you stop being polite and start being honest. You find it impossible to please everyone, but ticking everyone off is a piece of cake.
If you know anyone who shows signs of what I just described, go to the Columbian Home Bar and pick up a membership application for them. The beautiful Columbian Home has what it takes to cure your attitude towards aging: good food, good drinks, good prices, and good people. So, when you see an old person and realize that you went to high school together, tell them about the beautiful Columbian Home where everybody knows your name (and can remind you of yours if you forget).
The best-kept secret on Fridays is the live music on the deck of the beautiful Columbian Home. July has 5 Fridays when we will have terrific entertainment from 5:30-8:00 PM. Gene Cullison will be there on July 3, Gary Miatico on July 10, Johnny K. on July 17, Chris George on July 24, and Rob Ballanoff on the last day of the month. Where can you go in the Lehigh Valley on a Friday evening for live music on a beautiful deck (or inside, if you prefer) with servers who genuinely care about your dining experience, wonderful food, and great cocktails at very reasonable prices? Only the beautiful Columbian Home, of course. Make your reservations early to secure your favorite table.
Karaoke is back on July 25th, so practice singing in the shower. DJ P.K. is doing the honors this time, and it promises to be a fun night.
I know I don’t mention it enough, but Thursday evenings we have live music so you can dance the night away from 7:00-10:00 PM. Second Wind will be performing on July 2, the great Johnny K. on July 9, the
lovely Kristen Morgenstern on July 16, Chris and Sara (duo from the Royal Pics Band) on July 23, and the ever-popular Kato on July 30. Call ahead for reservations.
If you haven’t yet signed up for the Columbian Home Golf Tournament on August 8, see Erma Dantonio and get registered. It’s being held at Whitetail Golf Club in Bath. There are tons of great prizes, beer, and food in addition to the golf. Erma and her crew have been working hard to make it a great event – join us!
Have a wonderful and safe July 4th. May God Bless America. As always, I will keep you in my prayers.
All the best,
Joe
Joe Mascari, President