Two nuns were shopping at a convenience store. As they passed by the beer cooler, one nun said to the other, “Wouldn’t a nice cold beer or two taste wonderful on a warm spring evening?” The second nun answered, “Indeed it would, Sister, but I would not feel comfortable buying beer since I’m sure that would cause a scene at the check out counter.” “I can handle that without a problem,” the first nun replied, and she picked up a six-pack and headed for the checkout. The cashier had a surprised look on his face when the two nuns arrived with their six-pack of beer. “We use beer for washing our hair,” the first nun said. “Back at the convent, we call it ‘Catholic shampoo.’” Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter and pulled out a bag of pretzel sticks and placed them next to the beer. He looked the nun straight in the eye, smiled, and said, “The curlers are on the house.”
At the beautiful Columbian Home, we have had some requests for carry-out alcohol, but according to the LCB, our liquor license doesn’t permit alcohol to be sold for take-out; all alcohol must be purchased at the bar and consumed in the building or on the deck. Drinking in the parking lot or the grounds is not permitted. Even two women of God would not be allowed to take their “Catholic shampoo” to go.
The election is over, and democracy prevailed yet again – not one shot was fired. I would like to congratulate Steve Selvaggio, Bill Dantonio, Deacon Mike Meder, and Mike Quigney on their election to the Columbian Home Board of Directors. I would also like to thank Ken Walsh, John Ammon, and Sean Gallagher for their great work on the Board.
As I get older, my body and mind are changing, and not for the better. I’m getting to be an old, cranky man. I read about boys who want to be girls, and I think I was once a man trapped in a female’s body…but then my mother gave birth. It’s weird being the same age as old people. So, when I feel like I need to be cheered up, I come to the beautiful Columbian Home. So, after you have your afternoon nap and are determined to drink less, eat right, and exercise more, realize that it was four hours ago when you were younger and full of hope. Come join me and my fellow members at the bar for an adult beverage or two (and I don’t mean Metamucil or Ensure). I went for a run this morning and decided I’m never going to do that again. Golf, however, is a much more enjoyable form of exercise. The beautiful Columbian Home Golf Tournament is taking place on Saturday, June 14th at Shepherd Hills. There are flyers around the bar with all the details. Prizes will be awarded and food served – be sure to see Erma Dantonio asap and make your reservation.
Trivia Night is coming up on Wednesday, June 18th. It’s always well-attended, so come early and ask Hal if he knows the difference between a numerator and a denominator – only a fraction of people will find this funny, including Hal and the members from Northampton.
On Saturday, June 21st, we will usher in everyone’s favorite season with a SummerFest Dance Party in the ballroom with DJ Charles Eckhart. Come have a good dinner and dance the night away.
Friday night music is really a hit, and our performers will be out on the deck as the weather permits. No worries, though – they will still play indoors if it’s raining.
I need to end this letter now as I just received a call from the convent – it seems that the nuns are out of “Catholic shampoo” and “curlers.”
Have a wonderful summer. As always I will keep you in my prayers.
All the best,
Joe
Joe Mascari, President