The weather has been beautiful lately, and the word “golf” has been used many times at the bar. It reminds me of the time when three of my friends and I would go on our annual golf outing to San Diego. One time, two days before our group was to leave, my buddy Larry’s wife put her foot down and told him he wasn’t going. Our group was very upset, but there was nothing we could do about it. Two days later, our group arrived at our hotel in San Diego, and we found Larry sitting at the bar. We asked him, “How long have you been here, and how did you talk your wife into letting you come?” He said, “Well, I’ve been here since last night. Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my living room, and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and asked, ‘Guess who?’ I pulled her hands off and there she was in a negligee. She took my hand and pulled me into the bedroom. The room had lit candles and rose petals all over the place. It turns out, she’s been reading Fifty Shades of Grey. On the bed, there were handcuffs and a rope. She told me to tie her up and cuff her to the bedpost, so I did. She then said, ‘Do whatever you want.’ So, here I am.” That happened a long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. And to this day, Larry still walks with a cane.
You can have a great golfing experience without going all the way to San Diego just by signing up for the Columbian Home Golf Tournament. Tee off will be at Whitetail Golf Club in Bath on Saturday, August 8. There will be prizes, awards, food, and beer. See Erma Dantonio for details. Sign-up sheets are available at the bar. You could win golf clubs, golf balls, a flat-screen TV, gift cards and more. There will be no handcuffs or ropes. Sorry.
The First Lady is an English teacher. For nearly forty years, she has been trying to improve my vocabulary. Last week I thanked her for teaching me the meaning of plethora. It meant a lot to me. (Look it up, Northampton.)
This month, we have a plethora of events at the beautiful Columbian Home. On Saturday, May 2nd, we have Music Bingo, which is always well attended. Make reservations for dinner early so you can get a prime seat for the game. On Wednesday, May 20th, we will have Trivia Night with the All-Knowing Hal the Magnificent. Ask Hal, “How many animals can see behind themselves without turning their heads?” The answer is three: rabbits, parrots, and the 8th Grade English Teacher who married me. On Monday, May 18th, we will have Bingo in the Ballroom at 5:30 p.m. Bring your lucky rabbit’s foot.
We will continue to have Music on the Porch, but it will become Music on the Deck when the weather permits! On May 1st and 15th, come hear the talented Gene Cullison. On May 8 we have the beautiful and talented Cassandra Rose. On May 22nd, the not-so-beautiful but very talented Rob Ballonoff will perform, and, on May 29th, come enjoy the music of the Winner of the Paul McCartney Look-Alike Contest, Chris George.
When I was young, a friend of mine asked if my family said a prayer before we ate. I said, “Nope! We’re Italian – my mom knows how to cook.” Then my mother told me we were Irish. How confusing is that? Whether your mom is Italian, Irish, Polish, or Martian, I’m sure she will appreciate your taking her to the beautiful Columbian Home on Mother’s Day, May 10th for the buffet feast. There will be two seatings at 11:00 a.m. and 1:30 p.m. For $40.56, you can enjoy Eye Round Roast Beef, Crab and Cheese Topped Haddock, Chicken Penne with Sun-Dried Tomatoes, Roasted Turkey Breast, S. Clyde Weaver Baked Ham, delicious sides dishes, salad, and desserts. Make your reservations now as this event does sell out.
I hope you and your families are enjoying this beautiful season. As always, I keep you in my prayers.
All the best,
Joe
Joe Mascari, President