I met a good friend of mine at the gym today who recently got divorced, and we agreed to meet at the beautiful Columbian Home so he could talk to me about his troubles. I asked why he and his wife split up. He said it all started one day when he came home from work and she told him how tired she was and that she had blisters on both hands from using the broom. He said, “Next time, take the car.” She apparently doesn’t appreciate a good joke. So, later on that night, he told her that he wants to be cremated. She said, “Great!” and made an appointment for him on Tuesday. The relationship went downhill from there. He told me that he is lonely and has few friends, even though he has lived here for years. I asked, “Where did your ex-wife live?” He said she is from the land down under. “Australia?” I said. He said, “No, Hell.” I immediately gave him an application to join the happiest place on earth – the beautiful Columbian Home. So, if you meet someone at the gym who is lonely, or down on their luck and not an axe murderer, remind them that exercise makes them look better naked, but so does alcohol. Applications are available at the Anchor Bar.
Speaking of membership, don’t forget to pay your dues for 2025 before December 31st. don’t get locked out like some Hokendauquans who forgot to pay on time last year. Pay yours as soon as possible!
Question: Do all fairy tales begin with “Once upon a time…”?
Answer: No. Many begin with “If I’m elected, I promise to…”
On November 5, you get your chance to perform your most important duty – to vote. I don’t care who you vote for (I’m not running for any office), but just remember that you may not be able to fix stupid, but you can vote them out of office.
Good news! On Sundays, we will now have extended hours at the Anchor Bar, from 10:00 AM until 8:00 PM so we can watch football on our wonderful giant screen TV. We will have Sloppy Joe’s (not named after your president) and Matey’s Pizza. Adult beverages will be sold at happy hour prices.
Who was the first president to have a Christmas Tree at the White House? If you said Abraham Lincoln, you’re wrong. On Wednesday, November 13, Hal will host Trivia Night at the beautiful Columbian Home, starting at 7:00 PM. So bring some friends, relatives, neighbors, or even people you’re not fond of and win some prizes and find out which president started the Christmas Tree tradition at the White House (Pssst! It was Benjamin Harrison. Don’t tell Hal I told you.)
Saturday, November 16th is a day that will live in merriment. It’s the day of the most famous Turkey Raffle on Greenleaf Street. So, forget your shot guns and your turkey caller, but bring your wallet because there are 20 gorgeous turkeys to be raffled off, along with 75 regular prizes and at least 25 super prizes. Prizes include handmade blankets, and an area rug woven by Ali Babba himself, a leather jacket with a mink collar which was once worn by Liberace when he was inebriated (for those of you from Coplay, inebriated means drunk), and many other prizes that are not alive. There will be free beer and soda during the raffle, and the kitchen will be open. Put Saturday, November 16th from 2:00 – 5:00 PM on your calendar and come join the fun.
If you are too tired to cook on Thanksgiving, come to the beautiful Columbian Home for the best Thanksgiving buffet since the Pilgrims landed in Macungie. There will be 2 seatings: 12:00-1:30 PM and 3:00-4:30 PM. You must make reservations so call right away!
Enjoy the wonderful weather and stay safe and healthy. As always, you are in my prayers.
All the best,
Joe
Joe Mascari, President