The philosopher Plato (not my urologist, Plato) once said, “I am the wisest man alive for I know one thing and that is I know nothing.” Do you know who told him that? His wife. My First Lady is an 8th grade English teacher and, I might add, a very good one. Thanks to her, she constantly corrects my speech, my grammar, and, most importantly, my monthly President’s Message. Do you know why she does this? It’s because I know nothing. She claims I am constantly in a confused state when I speak or write. Like last week when we had dinner at the beautiful Columbian Home, I asked the server if I could ask her about the menu, please. She said, “The men I please are none of your business.” (Give it a minute.) but if I wrote the same request on a piece of paper, the server would have known that I wasn’t trying to pry into her private life. Or, when I asked my wife at the Anchor Bar if I was the only one she had ever been with. She said “Yes. The others had all been nines or tens.” (Give it one more second.) English is so confusing to me that I grow sad thinking about all the work the First Lady has to do to make me not sound like a chimp on steroids. My goal is to be the reason our members smile after reading this masterpiece (Or maybe the reason they drink. Whatever works.)

My favorite place to smile and drink is the beautiful Columbian Home’s Anchor Bar. My troubles, mood swings, and nervous tics all seem to vanish. Here, the bartenders treat you like the Kings and Queens of Blattslyvania (near Macungie). Jim, Donna, Jen and Shannon are the best. If you treat them right, they will give you extra ice at no charge. They will also listen to your dumb stories, laugh at your inane jokes, and tell you how good your freakish family looks when you show them pictures on your phone. So, if you need a pick-me-up (or are just plain thirsty), head to the Anchor Bar and enjoy the best-priced adult beverages on the planet. You can even enjoy your libation on our lovely deck!

Speaking of the deck, the door into the dining room is still giving us some minor problems, but our door guys, Manny, Moe, and Larry, have assured me that it will be fixed any day now. In the meantime, take advantage of the view from the deck while the weather is still lovely.

Bingo is coming to the Columbian Home! The first date is set for Monday, October 23 at 5:00 PM. I’ll give you more information next month. Depending on the turnout, we may make Bingo a part of our regular entertainment schedule.
The kitchen project is still a priority, and we are planning fundraising programs to make this a reality. Again, look for more information as this all develops.

Enjoy the rest of your summer and, as always, I will keep you in my prayers.

All the best,
Joe Mascari, President